Saw you in the front row
by AbigailKinney4life
Summary: Cas has never understood rock, nor his boyfriend's love for it. But when Dean Winchester, lead singer of one of America's most prominant rock bands, becomes a fixture in Cas's life, he begins to realise there is no way of escaping falling in love with a rockstar...
1. Idolise

Saw you in the front row

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters, they belong to their respective owners.

A/N: So, this story came to me when I was watching a documentary on Metallica, and kept fizzing in my head until I had to write it down.

This is a Cas POV fic, and because of that, I'm going to give you some of the band info because Cas knows nothing about rock.

Band name: Wayward Son's

Band Manager: Bobby Singer

Lead vocals/Rhythmic guitar: Dean Winchester

Lead guitar: Benny

Bass: Sam Winchester

Drums: Ash

This should help, hope you enjoy x

Chapter One: Idolise

Cas POV

I watched the window, distracted from my task. The sun was beating down onto the concrete floor, so far away from me. I couldn't help but smile.

I'd missed the sun, missed it so much in the blistering winter that had come and gone, like it did every year. And every year the sun would come back to me and make me smile. And every year I would sit beside the window, wishing we didn't live in the city, wishing we could go the beach or the countryside...but Balthazar didn't like the countryside. So I supposed we were staying put.

I turned back to my work, looking down at the desk. I was just about to sort out the seating arrangements for the awards ceremony when a loud and incessant banging made me jump in my chair.

I turned towards the spare room in the small apartment, trying not to glare at what was going on in there. Maybe if we had a bigger place, I wouldn't hear Balthazar practising on his drum kit every hour of the day. But it gave him happiness, so I couldn't tell him otherwise.

I sighed and discarded my seating plan aside, I couldn't concentrate with all of the noise. I would have to get it done later, maybe I could go out to a diner for some peace and quiet.

I stood, stretching my cramping arms from the 45 minutes I'd been sat hunched over my desk staring at the plans for the awards ceremony.

This year was particularly difficult to plan. This was my first year on the council at the LGBT centre, and they'd given me a lot more leeway with the planning.

It was difficult being in charge in some ways, but in other, more important ways, I'd been working to get to this position for years.

I padded towards the kitchen and went for the coffee maker, not sure I should be drinking caffeine this late in the day. But the way things were panning out, it looked like I would have a long night of work ahead of me.

I stirred the coffee in my mug for longer than necessary, my attention was, again, piqued by the sunlight.

I sighed internally again as I blew on my coffee, trying to cool it down.

Holding my steaming mug in two hands, I walked to the bedroom.

I nudged the door open with my elbow and looked over the room, trying to decide whether it was worth making the bed when I knew Balthazar was just going to mess it up again tonight.

I passed the immaculate "Wayward Son's" poster without giving it so much as a second glance, and walked over to the night stand, reaching down to retrieve my phone.

A text from my brother, Gabriel.

I opened the text as I walked back out of the bedroom and into the living room, too busy rolling my eyes at my brother's strange humour to notice the drumming had stopped.

I set my coffee down on the coffee table and nearly jumped as I felt two strong arms wind their way around my waist.

"Balthazar!" I cried out in shock, twisting to try and escape from his hold.

I heard Balthazar's deep chuckle from behind me and I smiled slightly, stilling myself.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said softly in my ear, kissing my neck.

"You didn't!" I denied playfully, grinning as I twisted in his arms. "I just thought you were busy, that's all."

"Why were you wandering aimlessly around the apartment?" He asked me, a confused frown across his face.

I rubbed the back of my neck slightly, "I...err, I was trying to think of a decent seating arrangement for the awards ceremony at the LGBT centre next week."

Balthazar rolled his eyes and let me go, picking my coffee up from the table and taking a long gulp. I frowned lightly.

"I don't see why you have to devote all of your time and effort to that stupid centre."

"It's not stupid," I defended, hitting him lightly across the arms, "it helps people like us. Besides, you know I like working with the centre. The awards ceremony helps celebrate some of the amazing things that have happened in our community."

Balthazar snorted into my mug and turned and walked away, I followed him. "You are coming, right?" I asked him.

He didn't turn to look at me while he replied. "Do I ever come to these things?"

"Well, no..." I admitted, trying to keep in step with him as he headed to the door. "But, this time is different."

Balthazar gabbed his jacket and turned to me. "How is it different?"

"It's my first time on the committee. This is my chance to prove to them I wont make a right idiot of myself."

Balthazar leant forward and kissed me lightly on the lips, pressing the empty coffee mug into my hand. "I'll see you later." He said, grinning at me before opening the door and disappearing through it.

I looked into the empty coffee mug like it was some endless abyss.

_He won't come._ I thought dully, before walking back to the coffee machine.

…

When I came home from my college classes, rock music was blaring through the apartment. I rolled my eyes.

"Balthy?" I called out questioningly, grinning slightly as Balthazar popped his head out of the bedroom door to meet me.

"Hey Angel," he called back, withdrawing back into the bedroom. I went to the sink to pour myself a class of water before toeing my shoes off and walking into the bedroom to meet my boyfriend.

"Hey." I said, reaching down to press a kiss to Balthazar's lips, he pulled me closer and kissed me again and I laughed against his mouth.

"You're in a good mood today," I noted when he finally let me go.

He shrugged slightly, pulling a boot onto his foot. "I'm gonna head out with the guys, you wanna come?"

"Oh," I started, unsure of what to say. "I, I mean, it's quite late and I've had a really long day..."

Balthazar stood up and smiled at me. "Hey, chill, Cas. You don't have to come."

He pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms around his waist, glad he wasn't angry with me.

"How was college?" He asked and I sighed out of exasperation.

"Oh God, it was really tiring, first..."

"Hey, that's okay," Balthazar cut me off, pulling away from the hug, "but I really gotta go."

"Yeah, yeah, go, and...have a good time."

"I love you," he said, pecking me on the lips.

"Yeah...have fun."

He smiled sweetly at me and within two minutes was out of the door. I sighed loudly and collapsed onto the bed. Wondering if he would notice I hadn't said it this time.

I tried so hard to love Balthazar. It wasn't like I didn't care about him because I really did, and being in a relationship with him was nice, and comforting...I knew I was going to love him one day, at least.

But he didn't exactly make it easy. I'd had a tough day at college and wanted to suggest we snuggle up on the couch and order pizza, but of course Balthazar would want to spend time with his friends more. He never made time for me and it was starting to get on my nerves. But of course I would never let on.

I could have gone out with him and his friends, I could always go out with him and his friends. But I didn't like his friends, I'd never told him that, but Balthazar's friends were loud and boisterous and outgoing, just like him.

I was withdrawn, shy even. It wasn't my scene.

I stood up and wandered out into the empty apartment, it was always an empty apartment these days.

…

It was past 7 when Balthazar finally arrived back from work and I was really worried. I'd tried calling him a few times but his phone was switched off.

When he finally walked through the door I stopped my pacing and immediately crossed the apartment to him, pulling him into a protective hug.

"Hey, Cas-" he began, sounding surprised and holding me at arms length. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Your shift ended four hours ago," I began, "I was worried out of my mind! I thought something had happened!"

"God, Cas, chill." He said, rolling his eyes and walking past me and heading towards the kitchen. "I'm starving, and I was just out with the guys, we went back to Gary's place to jam. And he told me the best news ever!"

I felt myself almost physically deflate. "I was worried sick," I said, trying to keep the anger out of my voice. "You said you were coming straight home, I thought something might have happened."

"What could have possibly happened?" He asked, pulling a can from the fridge and opening it messily over the sink.

"I don't know!" I said, annoyed. "They could have worked you late, or, someone could have hurt you..."

Balthazar laughed as he headed for the living room. "Cas, no one gets bashed anymore."

"It happened to me." I said quietly, too quietly for him to hear. _He knows it's happened to me. He knows how scared it makes me._

"So, are you gonna get your scrawny ass in here or what?" He called, "I've got big news, remember?"

I sat down next to him on the couch, maybe he'd a got a promotion? That would definitely help the money situation.

"Okay," I began, smiling, trying to force the worry out of my mind. "What's the big news?"

Balthazar was practically grinning ear to ear when he told me. " "Wayward Son's" are coming here next month! Cas, they're gonna perform!"

Oh.

"That's...Bal, that's awesome!" I tried to sound as enthusiastic as I could.

"Wayward Son's", of course, were Balthazar's favourite rock band in the world. He always said if they ever came to Illinois he would go and see them in a flash, and I always said that of course I would go with him, the only issue being that I never thought it would come up.

I didn't hate rock, nor the people that liked it, I mean, I was sleeping with someone who absolutely adored it. But I really didn't like listening to it, I was far more into soft music with good singers and meaningful lyrics.

But the look of complete glee on Balthazar's face was something I'd never been able to ignore.

"So..." He began, taking my hand in his, "I'm gonna go get tickets tomorrow...will you go with me?"

I allowed a smile to plaster itself across my face. "Of course I'll go with you, baby, it'll be so much fun."

Balthazar then pulled me into a giant bear hug and constricted my airways.

"I love you, Cas." He chanted.

I suppose I would have said something back if I could breathe.

…

Balthazar had wanted me to wear a "Wayward Son's" t-shirt but I had gently refused. I instead slipped on a dark t-shirt over some dark jeans and checked myself in the bedroom mirror. I don't know why I cared about my appearance so much tonight, but I wanted to show Balthazar I had made some sort of an effort.

As I ruffled my hair slightly, I caught the reflection of the "Wayward Son's" poster on the wall. There wasn't a picture of the band, just some bizarre head-shaped golden object I didn't understand.

The band was fairly big, I knew that much. I had seen their CD's in shops and stories on the news but that was about as far as my knowledge went. I only knew one of the band members by name.

That was Dean Winchester,I think he was the leader of the band, or maybe the founder of the band? But the only reason I knew that was because he was Balthazar's idol.

He was the reason Balthazar learnt drums and wanted to start his own band one day, Balthazar was clear on that fact.

I was cute at least that he would be able to see his hero tonight.

"Hey, babe." Came Balthazar's voice as he walked into the bedroom, bare chested. I allowed my eyes to rake over his muscular chest for a moment until he caught me staring and grinned.

"Enjoying the show?" I laughed slightly as I turned to him.

"Pretty much," I told him.

"Well, you'll be enjoying a better one tonight." He told me as he picked up his t-shirt from the bed and slipped it over his head, mussing his hair on the way.

"So, when are we meeting the guys?" I asked lightly.

"We're not." Said Balthazar. "Gary couldn't get tickets and Joel and Pete already went to the one in Kansas."

"Oh," I began, wrapping my arms around his neck, "that sucks."

"No, it doesn't," he laughed, grinning as he bent down to kiss me. "Mean's I get you all to myself tonight."

_Me and a thousand other screaming people._

But I smiled at him all the same. "What time does the concert start?" I asked.

Balthazar untangled one arm from around my waist and checked his wrist watch. "About an hour," he informed me, "we better hit the road if we wanna get a decent view."

"Just so you can ogle Dean Winchester all night," I joked playfully, watching as he raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, let's see who does the ogling." He teased, before pulling me out of the bedroom door.

The drive to the stadium was long and the scenery was dull, but I found myself staring out of the window the whole time, encapsulated by the long road zipping out from underneath me.

I'd always enjoyed travelling, but I had no idea why. I suppose the long silence gave me time to think, to get lost in my own head.

Balthazar had found a decent radio station so he didn't talk much, but that was fine by me.

I'd never expected much more.

Balthazar parked the car outside of the stadium and it took ten minutes to navigate out of the car park. There must have been at least a thousand cars alone inside the car park. This band must have been bigger than I thought.

Balthazar opened the door for me and handed our tickets to the usher.

"Stadium doors' just through there." He told me, grabbing me around the waist and pointing me in the right direction. "I'm gonna go to the bar, you wanna beer?" He asked.

"Yeah, thanks." I said, kissing him.

He grinned cheekily at me before veering off and heading down another corridor. Balthazar must have known this place well, but I'd never been here before so the very fact that I found my way to the stadium alone made me proud.

I could hear music from the other side of the door before I pushed it open and walked in, flashing my pass to the bouncer before I cast my eyes to the stadium surrounding me.

"Holy shit." I said quietly to myself, looking at the massive space I was standing in. This place could fit 5,000, maybe even 10,000 people easily.

What the hell had I gotten myself into?

There weren't many people here yet, considering Balthazar had insisted we come early so we could get up to the front. There must have been only 300 people in the stadium, all happily listening to the band on stage.

I had no idea who they were but I knew they weren't "Wayward Son's", they must have been the support act. But they were definitely playing rock.

I weaved my way in and out of people trying to find my way to the front of the stadium, genuinely surprised at the number of people I'd never seen before who said hello to me, or began randomly talking to me about the show.

I didn't know much about concert gigs, but I suppose all these people were in such a great mood from the atmosphere and from seeing their favourite bands that they would become the nicest people on Earth, and would happily chat to complete strangers.

It made me smile in a weird sort of way.

When I found myself near the front of the stadium, I saw that I had a great view of the band on stage and new Balthazar would be pleased at the proximity.

I stood for a few seconds before fishing my cell out of pocket. No new messages, but it did give me a change to check the time.

I tucked my phone back into the pocket of my probably too-tight jeans before staring up at the support act.

I had no idea what they were playing, or if the song was even their own, but they certainly looked the part.

The lead singer had long, shaggy hair and leather everything, while his band mates pretty much adopted the same looks, every now and again shouting something unintelligible into their microphones.

I started to bob my head, trying to get into the music and the atmosphere. The atmosphere wasn't flat, but I just wasn't feeling what everyone else was feeling.

I tried not to imagine what it would be like when the 5,000 or so other people got here. Including my boyfriend.

"Hey, babe." Came the sudden voice of Balthazar, like my thought process had summoned him to me.

He handed me an open beer bottle that I excepted gratefully. "Thanks, baby." I said, snuggling into his chest as he wrapped one arm around my waist and took a large swig of beer with the other.

"You enjoying the music?" He asked, and I tilted my head slightly, staring back up at the band.

"It's alright," I answered honestly, "I don't know who these guys are, though."

"Nah, me neither." Balthazar admitted, angling his head to catch my eye. I spied him out for a moment before we both burst into simultaneous laughter and Balthazar pulled me close and we both stared at the stage as the song came to a close.

"Thank you very much!" The lead singer shouted, "the title act will be getting underway soon and it's been a pleasure to be here!"

Cas rolled his eyes lightly. _Apparently._

"We've been "Elastic dinosaur" and you've been a great crowd, good night!"

I glanced up at Balthazar. "Elastic dinosaur?" I mouthed up at him, but he merely shrugged.

The whole crowd burst into applause as the band waved themselves off, both of us began applauding too.

I don't know if Balthazar actually enjoyed the band but I was merely applauding out of politeness. I had a funny feeling I'd be doing that a lot tonight.

I turned around to glance at the room and saw the doors were open and people were trickling in slowly. There must have been at least 1,000 people in the stadium now.

Part of me wished we could get this sort of turn out at the events at the LGBT centre.

"There's a lot of people here," I commented.

Balthazar rolled his eyes at me, "there's barely anyone here yet."

I didn't know how right he was, within the next ten minutes, maybe about six thousand more people turned up to the stadium and we all ended up packed in to the teeth. I could barely move around the people jostling to get to the front but Balthazar refused to give up our places.

I took a swig of my beer that was threatening to be knocked out of my hand any second. I was about to ask Balthazar something when suddenly the lights went dark, and every single person in the room cheered in unison.

I'd never seen this many people in one room at the same time, let alone hear them all say the same thing at the same time. It was quite a sight.

It suddenly occurred to me that I was going to be the poor guy the lead singer picks on to pick up one of his lines.

After a few minutes, lights came on and turned, pointing at the stage but leaving the entire crowd cloaked in a veil of darkness.

"Oh my God," I heard Balthazar whisper quietly beside me, I could hear the excitement in his voice and it made me smile.

I didn't smile for long as one of the shouting fans jostled me again, I huffed irritatingly.

I looked around all the fans and as I looked, it occurred to me that the people closest to me were all wearing the same amulet type necklace around their neck, and the same symbol was on a lot of their t -shirts, including Balthazar's. A man directly in front of me had the symbol tattooed onto his arm.

I leant into Balthazar, trying to be heard above the fans.

"What's that symbol thing?" I asked him, gesturing to the bronze, head-shaped symbol on his t-shirt.

"That's Dean Winchester's amulet," he explained, "it became the groups' logo." He said it lightly, but also slightly edgy, like I should have known that. I tried not to get angry at him, remembering that this was his night.

I looked up at the stage again as I heard the crowd erupt into the loudest shouting I had ever heard to see two men walk out onto the stage, followed by another, and then another.

I'd seen all of them before, but not enough to recall their faces to memory.

Three of the men had guitars, I glanced at the man on the right, and the man on the left, but the drummer was too far back for me to see.

The final man with a guitar stood at the front, in front of a microphone. He must have been the lead singer.

He must have been Dean Winchester.

The first thing that occurred to me was that they didn't look like a stereotypical rock band, not like the support act. They weren't shirtless or anything.

The crowd seemed to go wild when Dean Winchester lifted his guitar around.

He had short hair, ripped jeans and a black, waist-coat like top. He was obviously conventionally handsome, but I couldn't really see him that well.

But there was only really one thing to say to describe him. Dean Winchester was...hot.

And when he bent to adjust his microphone I could see something indistinguishable swinging from his neck.

That must have been his amulet.

"Hello, Illinois!" He shouted into the microphone, and I was surprised at his gravelly voice. Mainly because it was deeply attractive.

"How are y'all tonight?"

The crowd erupted into incoherent screaming and that's when I saw Dean Winchester smile, it made me smile.

His smile made me smile, he was...perfect. There was something about Dean Winchester that I couldn't take my eyes off of.

"Thank you all for coming out!" He shouted again, and when everyone shouted back, I found myself shouting with them.

I felt Balthazar's arms around my waist, "that's the spirit!" He shouted at me and I laughed.

"Now," Dean Winchester began, "me, Benny-" he gestured to the man on his right, "Sammy-" he gestured to the man on his left, "-and Ash-" he gestured to the drummer, "are gonna start with a song called "Momma make proud"."

I had to shy away slightly as Balthazar yelled in agreement next to me.

"This fucking song!" He shouted in obvious agreement, punching the air.

The man on the right, Benny I think, began strumming on his guitar with such skill I raised my eyebrows in shock, and the crowd nearly wet themselves in excitement.

I could hear everyone shouting the strangest things to "Wayward Son's" that they probably couldn't hear.

"_I love you, Dean!"_

"_You fucking rock!"_

The music was alright, again, but not my thing.

But then, Dean Winchester started to sing.

I couldn't use any other word to describe it, it was _beautiful._

Dean had a sort of gravelly voice, even when he was singing, but his voice was so powerful, and passionate.

I listened, I needed to listen. His lyrics, as I listened to his lyrics I realised he wasn't talking about sleeping with women or rock or anything like that.

His lyrics meant something.

"_I promised you I would be brave,_

_and I think about that promise every single day._

_I will never forget you,_

_but most of all I promise not to forget,_

_forget the way you made me_

_the way you made me."_

I stared up at him, the power in his voice mixed with those words nearly brought tears to my eyes.

I leant into Balthazar. "Does he write his own songs?" I shouted into his chest.

"Yeah!" Balthazar shouted back, nodding, "this one is about his Mom!"

I turned back, staring up at the band before me, suddenly the music began to mean something. It was more than rock...I didn't even really understand.

By the end of the song I was singing along to the bits I memorised. I was laughing and shouting and crying and when the song ended I applauded along with everyone else.

For the entire concert I couldn't take my eyes off of Dean Winchester, every time he winked at the crowd or danced to his music or sang a note so powerful he bent down a bit.

I committed every detail to memory, not even sure why I was doing it. But I couldn't get him out of my head.

…

2 hours later and the music stopped. Dean Winchester picked up the microphone from the stand and laughed, covered in a sheen of sweat. But if anything it made him even more gorgeous.

"You've been an amazing crowd!" He shouted out and I cheered loudly along with Balthazar, along with thousands of people but a part of me couldn't help but feel a sort of ache as it hit home that the concert was ending.

Part of me wanted to reach out, tell him not to go.

But he did, he laughed and thanked us and the rest of "Wayward Son's" thanked us and then they left.

When we finally battled our way out of the emptying stadium, I felt strange as I made my way back to the car.

I wasn't precisely sure why, I supposed because the concern was over and I was out of the atmosphere, some of the euphoria had worn off. But I couldn't get the band out of my head, the music, the man...

"Hey," Balthazar said, coming up behind me and kissing me.

"Hey," I said back, "was that as good as you thought it would be?" I asked.

"Man, that was fucking awesome!" He said, grinning ear to ear. "Winchester so delivered!" He laughed to himself, "what about you?"

"It was...amazing." I admitted truthfully.

"See," Balthazar grinned, opening the car door. "I knew you'd come around to rock eventually."

I silently slid into the car next to Balthazar. It wasn't rock.

It was the meaningful lyrics and the passion Dean Winchester sung them with. Not to mention his incredible voice that had effectively turned me to butter.

It was then that it suddenly occurred to me why "Wayward Son's" had so many fans.


	2. Fire

Saw you in the front row

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters, they belong to their respective owners.

A/N: So wow, I just finished "Twist and Shout" last night, so I figured a good way to pull myself out of the pit of despair would be to write some Destiel, this chapter contains a bit of an upsetting scene, hope you enjoy x

Chapter 2: Fire

It had been four days since Cas and Balthazar had gone to see "Wayward Son's" and Cas's hype for them had died down considerably. He remembered when he and Balthazar were driving home, he'd promised himself he would listen to all of their albums and hear every word Dean Winchester had to say, but after a while, his euphoria had faded and he became caught up in his busy life once again.

If Cas remembered anything about the concert, he remembered the way Dean Winchester had absolutely dripped of sex, and how alive Balthazar had seemed, how much he'd had fun in the moment but as soon as he stepped back into reality it ended, rock had been Cas's one night stand and now he'd forgotten it again.

"Hey, Cassy!" Cas heard a familiar voice call out as he sat in the living room doing homework, a smile spread across his face as he dropped his pen and stood to greet his brother as he walked into the room.

"Gabriel!" Said Cas happily as his big brother enveloped him in a hug.

"Hey brother." Gabriel replied, grinning ear to ear as he let Castiel go.

"Where's Balthazar?" Asked Gabriel, taking a seat next to Cas on the couch. "Out playing with his band." Cas replied lightly, hoping Gabriel wouldn't drag the subject out any further, but of course he did.

"Since when did Balthazar have a band?" He asked.

Cas shrugged slightly. "It's not really official, they just get together and play. It's nice he has a hobby."

"If it's so nice, why do you look extremely pissed off?"

Cas almost had to fight off a little smile, if their was one person who could always see straight through him it was Gabriel.

"He just spends a lot of time with his friends." Cas admitted, placing his pen down once more.

"Aw, does Cassy feel unloved?" Gabriel mocked playfully.

Cas punched Gabriel's arm lightly and laughed. "No!" He said defensively, "but, I don't have college today so we were going to spend the day together, you 'no, lunch, movie, all that, but he cancelled last minute to play with the band."

"You 'no, it surprises me." Began Gabriel, leaning his head on his hand.

"What?" Asked Cas.

"Why you're with Balthazar," Gabriel clarified, "I mean you're both completely different people, you like different things."

"Yeah, but I like Balthazar." Said Cas.

"You _like _Balthazar, you don't _love _Balthazar."

Cas rolled his eyes and shifted uncomfortably. "Do we have to talk about this again?" He asked.

"I just worry about you," said Gabriel, "I don't want you to feel obligated to settle down with Balthazar just because he loves you."

"Who said I was settling down with anyone?" Began Cas, almost defensively, "besides, he's a good guy, I'm lucky to have him."

Gabriel didn't blink for a few moments. "You can't tell me you're not seeing the cracks in your relationship?"

Cas sighed. "Did you only come here because you wanted to give me relationship advice?"

Gabriel chuckled slightly and proceeded to pull an imaginary zip over his lips. "Okay, boyfriend talk over. It's occurred to me that I'm bored, and you're now bored. Why don't we hit the movies?"

Cas smiled.

…

Dean Winchester picked up the pen again but he couldn't focus on the words he was writing on the page, he raked a violent line across the page with the nib of his pen and the paper proceeded to rip down the middle. Dean stared down at the partially ripped paper and black scribbles where he'd scored out every word and growled in annoyance. Sam looked up from his book and stared worryingly at his brother.

"Dude..." Asked Sam, sounding concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Just this new damn song," Dean began, "I can't think of anything."

"The album's not out for months, Dean." Sam reminded his brother again.

"I know." Dean admitted, "I've just never been blocked like this before, it's weird." Dean ran his hand through his short hair, the rest of the band were up late in the hotel room getting roaring drunk, but Dean was exhausted.

"Maybe you're just blinded by your boyfriend." Benny mocked, walking past while Sam snickered.

"Will you shut the fuck up?" Dean said for probably the millionth time in four days. "I said he was hot. That was all."

"Seriously, though. When was the last time you got laid, buddy?" Asked Ash, even though he was already mildly drunk he still seemed like he was genuinely concerned.

"It's just hard." Dean admitted softly.

"Yeah, we know." Sam replied earnestly, and he and the rest of the band fell silent for a minute.

Dean was the only member of the band who was gay. He'd told Sam when they were kids and, with some coaxing from his brother, came out to the rest of the band. Bobby, their band manager and surrogate father to Sam and Dean, made it perfectly clear that they were not going to kick Dean out of the band for it, and Benny and Ash had whole-heartedly excepted their friends sexually.

Dean had to be in the closet in the media, though. He had a bad boy reputation within the band, if "Wayward Son's" fans found out that their idol was gay...they'd lose half of their fan base, easily. Sales would drop, they'd be done.

Dean couldn't do that to them, and he was okay with it, for the most part, but it made looking for a relationship damn hard.

Dean had pretty much given up looking for anything, the guy he'd seen at the concert in Illinois was the first guy he'd looked at in ages.

"You should have at least got his number or something." Said Benny in his southern drawl, like it was obvious.

Dean sighed to himself, mind being drawn back to the concert.

Dean had seen him in the front row, he was young and had a shock dark hair that fell into his eyes that were so damn blue, and so alive...Dean had been instantly attracted to him, kept his eyes on him the whole time, actually.

Dean picked his pen up again and fished around for another piece of paper.

_Your soul was sharp as fire_

_but your eyes were blue as ice_

_I saw you in the front row_

_you made my head turn twice..._

…

Cas thrashed around in bed, sweat making his hair cling to his face and small, whimpering cries echoed around the bedroom.

Inside his head, all Cas could see was him, looming over him, knife in hand...

_you little faggot...gonna die...gonna kill you_

Cas had screamed, he had screamed so loud but no one had come, and when he felt that cool metal...

Cas sat bolt upright, pulled mercifully from his nightmare. He didn't scream, he hadn't screamed in years. He just sat, breathing heavily, staring at the wall.

The room was dark, the air was cold and everything was still.

It took Cas a few moments to fully accept where he was, that nothing was going to happen to him and he was safe in bed. He turned his head slowly and caught sight of the still sleeping Balthazar and his eyes stayed there for a long time.

Balthazar, knowing he was there, that grounded Cas, always had. It reminded him that he was in the present and not stuck in the past.

It reminded him that what had happened to him years ago was not happening again.

Cas never expected any form of comfort from Balthazar, he didn't like thinking about people being bashed much less deal with the fact that his boyfriend had been through it, but his mere presence, conscious or not, always helped Cas through, he served his purpose.

Slowly, ever so slowly, almost like he was afraid of breaking himself all over again, Cas lowered himself back onto the bed, laying his head on the pillow. He breathed in and out slowly, just like the therapist had taught him.

Part of him was exhausted, but another part of him didn't want to go back to sleep. He didn't want to see _his _face again.

Cas rubbed his eyes and wasn't surprised at the wetness he found on his cheeks. He didn't know why he still dreamt about it, why it still effected him this way.

Part of him really wanted to talk about it, but another part of him didn't want Balthazar to know anything. Cas knew he couldn't cope with Balthazar mocking him for the one thing that had nearly destroyed him.

Cas slowly slipped from the covers so he wouldn't wake Balthazar, he glanced at the "Wayward Son's" poster and his mind was momentarily drawn back to Dean Winchester and how beautiful he was and he smiled slightly.

_That's it, _he thought to himself, _distractions._

Cas walked sleepily to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, sighing as the cooling liquid slid down his throat. Cas held the cold glass to his forehead to try and cool himself down. He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly.

It was times like this, looking around the dark apartment, that Cas never felt more alone. He didn't feel like he could wake Balthazar up or text his brother.

It was times like this that Cas wished he'd mastered escapism.

…

_Escapism._ Dean thought scathingly as he tried to hold an incredibly drunken Ash up on two feet. Ash marvelled in being able to escape reality. Dean never kidded himself that drugs and booze was what it meant to be a rock star, and neither did Ash, really.

He'd been like this ever since he'd lost his Mom, Ellen and sister, Jo to an explosion. It' s how Ash had met Dean, Dean had gone to school with Jo so he'd been at the funeral. Dean couldn't shake how wrecked Ash looked, it just reminded him how he'd been when his Mom died. They'd ended up talking a bit and when Dean found out Ash was a drummer he invited him to come and gig with him and his brother, as a sort of distraction from his family, then "Wayward Son's" had been born, it seemed an apt name because everyone in the band was there for some fucked up reason.

Ash's alcoholism had never changed, though, and Dean never called him out on it. Dean channelled through his music, Ash channelled through his drink, Dean couldn't argue.

Although it was time's like this that he wished he had, times when he had to carry a drunken Ash home after a night of partying.

"Dean..." Ash slurred as Dean deposited him into the back of his '67 Chevy Impala, silently praying he wouldn't throw up in it.

"Yeah?" Asked Dean, not really paying attention as he got into the drivers seat of his baby.

"You're...th..best, you know that?" Ash hiccuped.

"Yeah, I know." Dean replied. Dean listened half-heartedly as Ash babbled for the duration of the ride. When Dean finally got him to the front door of his house it was 5am.

"You gonna be alright from here, buddy?" He asked, concerned.

Ash nodded, eyes half-closed.

"Yep, not an invalid."

Dean made his way back to the Impala but he didn't drive off immediately, he sat in the drivers seat fiddling with his amulet and watching Ash fumbling with his house keys.

Ash was too proud to except help, but Dean wanted to at least make sure he was alright before he left.

Ten minutes later, Ash had successfully opened the front door and walked inside, closing it behind him. Dean was about to drive off before his phone buzzed. He opened the text from Sam.

_Can't sleep. Wanna come over?_

Dean shrugged to himself and drove in the direction of his brother, Sam and Dean could spend any amount of time with each other and never get tired of each others company. They were basically best friends.

Some people called it co-dependency.

Some people knew shit.

…

Cas came back from college to find Balthazar sat on the couch, gawping at the newspaper. His brow furrowed as he went to sit by his boyfriend. "Bal?" Asked Cas, concerned, "what's wrong?"

Balthazar angled the paper so Cas could read the headline.

**WAYWARD SON'S DRUMMER DIES IN HOUSE FIRE**

"What?" Asked Cas, unable to process for a moment, picturing the long haired drummer he'd seen only days ago in his mind.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Faulty pilot light." Said Balthazar simply, looking dazed.

"Are you alright?" Asked Cas, running a hand through his boyfriends hair.

"Does this mean "Wayward Son's" are finished?" Asked Balthazar, half-rhetorically.

"No, baby." Cas answered comfortingly, still stroking through Balthazar's hair. "I'm sure they'll find a replacement drummer."

Cas smiled slightly, trying to cheer Balthazar up. "Maybe even you could do it." He joked.

Balthazar looked up at Cas. "Do you really mean that?" He asked.

Cas smiled and nodded. "Of course I do." He said reassuringly.

Balthazar then stood up suddenly, a look of glee in his face. "I'm gonna google it, see if they're holding auditions."

Cas gaped momentarily at Balthazar. "Bal, I was joking, listen..."

"No, but you're right!" Balthazar interrupted, looking like a kid in a candy store. "I could actually make this!" He said excitedly, before leaving the room.

Cas sighed to himself before flopping down onto the sofa, making a mental note never to joke around Balthazar again.


End file.
